Talking with your children about the "B" word.

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Source: Back to School – Bully

Bullying.

We all know that this is a hot topic in America right now, but no one knows exactly how to make it stop.

And as the school year just beings, we here in Texas have already had an incident happen with a child bringing a toy replica gun to school on the first day of school and brandishing it in front of another child. Now I don’t know which was the Bully and which was the bullied, but something has got to give. Someone should have been talking with these children before this situation happened, because something transpired from the time school ended last year, and this years first day of school.

And a lot of parents don’t speak to their children about bullying, until it effects their child. Or some parents only talk about bullying with their child when it actually happens on certain times of the year when it does arise. And both of these types of conversations are only scraping the surface.

I have a elementary school aged daughter, and she is a little sensitive. Some of the time, its just her being sensitive, and other times (after she explains the situation to me) she is being bullied. But the key is CONVERSATION. CONSTANT CONVERSATION. So that your child feels comfortable sharing their feelings and worries with you, and being aware that you have their back. So with this CONSTANT CONVERSATION that my daughter and I have on a daily basis, I ask her questions like:

Did you have a good day?
Did anyone make you sad/mad? And why?
Did anyone make you cry? And why?
Did anyone make you feel uncomfortable today? How?
Did anyone hit you today? Who?
Did anyone touch your private parts? Who?
I also ask her if she told an adult or teacher? So I know who to talk to.

This opens up a dialogue between us so she learns to remember details of the incidents. It also helps her to understand what is bullying and when she is just being sensitive. And during these conversations, I guide her through how to handle those types of situations and what to say, because sometimes kids are at a loss for what to say when they are verbally being attacked. So I won’t lie, sometimes I tell her little “fly” things to say back when kids say things like… you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re not my friend anymore because(…) Then we act out those situations with me being the bully and her as herself. All on the ride home from daycare or on the ride to school. And I also let her know, “Don’t worry about getting into trouble about defending yourself, you let me worry about that when the school calls me.”

And another thing that I am now aware of, that I need to start adding to our conversations is:

Do you ever see other kids being bullied?

Because we live in a society of onlookers and not defenders, and I believe we are raising them also.

I need to explain to her that she can help someone without physically getting involved if that makes her uncomfortable, or its dangerous.

So, for all of us, I’ve done some research. And on meanstinks.com I found a ton of one-sheets on Bullying. All aspects of it. The Bullied, the Bully & the Onlooker.

Hopefully these can help you and your child, and in-turn, assist the battle against Bully.