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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been married for to my husband for 14 years, but with him for 19 years. He cheated on me 2 years into the relationship and I left him. After a year I took him back and we were married a year later. Things were going good so I thought. I just found out that he has been having an affair for 4 months and he’s also been sleeping with other women while he was having this affair. I have two children 17 and 13. I love my family, but I do not love or want to be with him any longer, because I cannot trust him. I want my children to have their father, but I don’t want him around me because he disgusts me. We are now going to counseling, but I think just because he does not want me to leave and he is trying to save face. I don’t know what to do. – Confused
Dear Ms. Confused,
Huh! You really don’t know what to do, but you say you don’t love or want to be with him any longer, and you don’t trust him. You say he disgusts you. Hmmm! I’m sorry. Am I missing something here? Your husband initially cheated two years into the relationship. You left. Took him back a year later. Married. Now you discover he’s been having an affair for the past four months with multiple women. Where is the confusion? Get the damn divorce!
I swear that today’s society of broken homes and dysfunctional behavior has really got a lot of y’all messed up in the head. They really need to stop pumping all those steroids and chemicals into this food everyone’s consuming because folks are really losing their minds. You can’t think straight. You’re mentally unstable. Your minds are not fully developed. Chile, I bet many of you may have graduated from high school, and even college, but I’ll be damned, and as my grandfather would say, “You don’t know your ass from a hole in a ground.”
Who says you can’t have your children’s father in their lives? Chile, just because you two are not together doesn’t mean he can’t have a relationship with them. Let the courts handle all that. Or, if you two can agree on some terms of arrangements, i.e. you get custody and he is allowed visitations, then what’s the problem? Ugh, please, please, please stop letting your emotions convolute your rationale. I’m sure you’re thinking of the 19 years you spent with him, giving him all your love, being there for him, and giving him two children, and all he’s thinking about is all the p****y he’s going to have to give up, only for a brief period of time, because trust me, he will be back to his old playboy ways. That man may want to save face, but, girl, what he really wants to save is his pockets, because if he can stick around until the kids turn 18, he won’t have to pay child support. Catch it!
And, please show me at what point did this man love you. Please show me. I’ll wait. As matter of fact, I won’t. Your husband showed his ass in the beginning of the relationship, yet you married the fool anyway. Now, you’re shocked and appalled because it’s happened again. Really? Really!
Look Ms. Confused, you’ve already answered your own letter. Do you people read what you write before you send it in? Many of you answer your own letters, but I know, I know denial is a “M****rF****r.” It will have you sitting up there with snot running out your nose, mascara smeared on your face, wig sitting twisted, the Newport dangling out your mouth, food on the stove burning, All My Children playing in the background, oh wait, Maury or Jerry Springer, and you keep mumbling to yourself, “I’m done! I’m fed up! I’m not taking this –ish anymore.” Then he comes home, y’all argue, he leaves, comes back hours later drunk or high or both, and he climbs in bed feeling you up and because he really knows how to put it down when he is inebriated, you give him some and all is well until the morning. SMDH! Girl, get the divorce and move on with your life. Rebuild your character, self-esteem, and rejuvenate your spirit. Don’t ever get lost or caught up in a man. Try you some Jesus! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Would you remain in a marriage with someone who consistently cheated on you for the sake of your kids?
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!