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Lyfe Jennings swears his new song “Slave” is only about sex, even with lyrics like “call me your master.” Now I’m no ghostwriter, but I have some better metaphors and similes for him.

5. “Ima tear it up like a Christmas present”

Christmas Lights

Source: Pixabay/jill111 / Pixabay/jill111

And you know how eager these kids be on white Jesus birthday. So if you keep that same energy in the bedroom….you gone have to call off work the next day.

4. “You keep me coming…like 911 in Oak Cliff”

Suspected Austin Serial Bomber Blows Himself Up After Police Close In

Source: Scott Olson / Getty

My auntie stays right off Kiest, and I hear them sirens every time I’m over there. Who wouldn’t want that kind of consistency when you’re fornicating??

3.  “I wanna pump it like 10 on 2”

Shell annouces profits

Source: Peter Byrne – PA Images / Getty

You running late for work, you don’t get paid for 3 more days, but the gas light is on. So you squeezing extra hard, making sure every drop goes in…yup, gimme that.

2. “Ima beat it like a bad ass kid”

DART police officer cries at Hospital After Dallas Shooting

Source: Ting Shen / The Dallas Morning News

You know the kid…knocking stuff off the shelf in the store, talking back, then when you try to discipline him, he hit you with the “you ain’t my daddy!” You know what kind beating that’s finna be??? Sign me up!

1. “Blow me like the food too hot”

National Fried Chicken Day

Source: Hot Chicken Takeover / Hot Chicken Takeover

You can’t just put it all in your mouth at one time. You gotta be gentle, put that soft breath on it, then take it piece by piece. Yes, daddy.

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