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Mature Woman

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Grandmas got the game on lock. They’re cute, they’re funny AF, and you can’t tell them anything because you know that they know that they know a helluva lot more than you do.

That said, all those awesome traits that they have can make them quite the handful at the family reunion. Brace yourself. If you get in their line of fire, be prepared for them to say something like:

1. I hear you gotta white boyfriend now. How’s that working out for you?

2. Baby girl, you forgot something this morning? Because that set of leggings you got on ain’t it.

3. Show a little leg, baby. That’s how I snagged your grandpa, you know?

4. Don’t you look at me like that. It’s natural.

5. Enough of this music y’all got on. Where’s my Luther cassette? I don’t even know what kind of name “Fanny Watch” is anyway.

6. I know you’re trying this whole vegan diet trend, boo boo, but you really don’t need it. You know you got a little pancake in that behind, don’t you?

7. If your mama won’t spank ya, I sure as hell will.

8. Fix it, Jesus.

9. You may think plastic covers on the couch are tacky, but I’m too old to care what you think.

10. Nobody makes potato salad like me. Nobody.


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Sh*t Grandma Says At The Family Reunion  was originally published on