You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?
Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
So, I met this gut at work. He is nice and cute. I was digging him a little, but I’m not the type to move too fast. We talk at lunch and he comes to my desk and talks. We have wonderful conversations. We exchanged numbers, and everything was going fine. Until, we had a meeting. At this meeting we all had to go around and tell 2 things about ourselves. Well, when it got to him, he said he just got MARRIED in September of last year! WTF! I stopped talking to him after that.
Well, at our job, we communicate using an IM system. He keeps instant messaging me saying things like, “So, when are we gonna chill.” And, “Can u send me a pic of what you’re working with?” I can’t believe him. Now, I’m not hurt in anyway, but I know if his wife found out she would be. I find that so disrespectful. I told him to leave me alone because I don’t mess with “taken” guys. I am 20-years old, going to school for pre-law, have a full-time job (that pays more than $15/hr), my own place, and I don’t have time for the drama, ya know?
He has left me alone, but I know he talks to other girls at the office (you know the ones that are “easy”). I just feel so bad. His wife comes to the office every once in a while. My question to you is: Do you think I should inform his wife? Like maybe send her an anonymous email of the instant messaging transcripts. Or, should I just let it go and hope she finds out and doesn’t get to hurt? – Dodging The Married Man
Dear Ms. Dodging The Married Man,
Uhm, mind your business. Mind your business. Mind your business. If I know anything, and I knows a lot, is to mind your business especially when interfering in other folks relationships. Chile, I can’t tell you how many people have lost friendships, loved ones, jobs, money, and lives behind butting into someone else’s relationship.
Now, if you and his wife were BFFs and she was your home girl, then I would say tell her immediately. Don’t waste any time. But, since you don’t know his wife, personally, and you’re not her best friend, mind your business. You are not close to her or any of her family members, so, uhm, boo boo, mind your business. I know you don’t want to see a sister out there getting played. Girl, it hurts my feelings too. I can’t stand to see a sister who is dedicated, committed, and loyal to their boyfriends and husbands, while their mates are creeping, cheating, and doing all types of dirt. But, unless your advice, knowledge, or information has been solicited, mind your business.
Girl, you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders, and you’re doing the damn thing, and I commend you on that, but what would be the purpose of sending his wife an anonymous email of the transcripts? Then what? They have an argument, break up, and weeks or months later they are back together, and he’s back doing the same thing, again. Chile, you better stay out of grown folks business. You don’t know what’s going on in their household. You don’t know what the two of them got jumping off in their house, or the terms of their marriage. So, like I said earlier, Ms. I-Want-To-Be-All-Up-In-Other-Folks-Relationship, mind your business. Get you some, and mind it. You stated that you don’t have time for the drama, then you know how to prevent drama from being in your backyard, or a part of your life: You don’t invite it in. To prevent any drama coming to your doorstep, because if his wife is coming to the job, trust me when I tell you, your name will come up, despite you sending an anonymous email to her, folks can track things down and to the source, she will be all up in your face and in your cubicle looking to throw down with you. If you don’t want that stress, mess, drama, or situation happening on your good paying $15/hr job, then mind your business.
Look, Ms. Dodging The Married Man, you don’t have to worry about him and what he’s doing. You put him in his place, and look what happened, he left you alone, didn’t he? If the other women don’t say anything and they have an in-office fling, then let them do it, but keep your mouth shut, stay out of it, and mind your business. Because I know what I know what I know and that is if you say something, and trust me, the office workplace is filled with rumors, gossip, and backbiting, your name will come up in some mess and you will be greasing your face with some Vaseline, putting on your hi-top Reebok’s, tying your weave in a ponytail, or you just may leave the clip-on home that day, and commence to doing windmills on those chicks. Mind your business, mind your business, mind your business. That is the new hook to my song called, Mind Your Business. It’s about this girl who finds out that the cute good-looking man on her job she’s been flirting with is married, and when she tells him that she is not feeling him, he moves on to the next girl, but she gets jealous because the other girls are getting all his attention and she really wanted to bed him and ride his pole like a champion, so she devises a plan to tell his wife. Oh, my bad, my song sounds awfully familiar to your situation. LMBAO! Here’s what I think you should do. If he harasses you again, then I suggest you take it up with Human Resources and report him for Sexual Harassment. Take all the emails and transcripts to them, as well as document (date and time) all the times he’s made inappropriate passes at you, and how you told him to leave you alone. That way, Human Resources get involved, and he can’t refute any of the charges you bring up against him, and guess who will have to tell their wife why they got fired and the reason why? HE WILL. You don’t even have to say anything to his wife. Boom! Bam! Pow! That’s how a fierce certified DIVA works. You better learn from the kids! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
What would you do if someone you worked with, who was married, attempted to hook-up with you?
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!