In today’s episode of Why TF Do White People Keep Putting Raisins Where Raisins Don’t Go? a video has recently been posted to TikTok that shows a vicious, violent and graphic homicide…of the tastebuds.
The video shows a color-redacted person making macaroni and cheese.
Note: the spelling out of “macaroni” was no accident. This was not “mac & cheese.” Macaroni and cheese were both blended together to create this caucasified atrocity that I can only imagine tasted like cheesy mothballs and 400 years of oppression, but it was not the dish that is held sacred in Black households across America. This person may have made Karen-misu and called in mac & cheese, but she did not make mac & cheese.
In fact, before I post the video, I’d like to include a trigger warning: This video may cause trauma, vomiting, loss of appetite and the insatiable urge to slap the closest white person across the face for the culture.
“My husband said he never had a better mac & cheese than when he was in Georgia, so I had to prove to him that nobody can compete with me,” a woman can be heard saying with Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” playing in the background.
Now, to be completely fair, we don’t know that the woman in the video is, in fact, white. The voice in the video certainly sounds melanin-deficient, but the hand seen preparing this white nonsense appears to possibly be of color.
Regardless of the tint of color the hand appears to show, there is no doubt that this non-mac & cheese dish is a product of white supremacy, so for the purposes of this report—nah, she white AF.
The definitely white woman who may or may not be recently divorced by her husband who then moved to Georgia can be seen plopping a block of cheese into a baking dish then adding milk, a literal pinch of some kind of spice, shredded cheese and—you guessed it—raisins before adding another layer of shredded cheese and then shoving the cau-coction into the oven with all the confidence of Donald Trump getting his orangey-white nationalist groove on.
See, this is why white people don’t get invited to the proverbial or literal cookout. Because if you don’t extend their invitations under the condition that they bring only cups, plates, plasticware and tinfoil, you always run the risk of having to create a Covid quarantine area on the table spread just for their dishes.
What the hell did this woman think she was doing? Coolio’s hairline didn’t die for this.
Anyway, the fine folks on Twitter knew what to do in response to this woman’s tragic misunderstanding of the assignment.
OK, so one Twitter user pointed out that the woman in the video is Black and that she has a series of cooking videos like this culinary snuff film, but the videos are believed to be satire.
Still, the Thanksgiving season is upon us, people, and we all know who might see this video and get ill-advised ideas.
Seriously, this had better be satire.