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Yesterday, a mob of terrorist Trump supporters stormed the Capital building in an effort to stop the electoral count, so Trump could remain president somehow…so anyway, I don’t feel like the history books will want to remember this. So here are some holidays that they could make up for it:

5. MLK Day


Source: KAREN BLEIER / Getty

It’s the day when the Bloods were having a meeting to discuss in which ways they could poison the community next, when the Crips stormed the capital to stop this nonsense. 1 innocent crip named Martin was even killed in battle. And that’s why we celebrate MLK Day in January. (Now depending on what hood you stay in, reverse the bloods and crips in your favor.)

4. 270 Day

Be the Vote

Source: DonkeyHotey-Flickr

The senate was meeting and trying to count electoral votes, but were having a hard time. So some very PROUD BOYS…and girls…volunteered to teach them a new math system. And that’s why everything is on sale today for $2.70.

3. Blue Lives Matter Day

Sanford and Son

Source: NBC / Getty

It’s the day when Joe Biden was about to steal the election, when Trump supporters peacefully protested, and were let in by the police to take over the capital, showing that if you just do what the police say, you won’t be killed. And that’s why police hardly go to jail for killing black people.

2. National Day of Prayer

Bernice Jenkins

Source: Rickey Smiley Morning Show / Rickey Smiley Morning Show

The senate was meeting to certify the election, but they forgot to pray first. So a radical religious group called Thugs in Theology gathered in front of the capital, then the spirit of the lord opened the doors and they were able to pray before the certification. And that’s why we have a separation of church and state.

1. Black Lives Matter Day

Protesters Demonstrate Against Police Shooting During Panthers Football Game In Charlotte

Source: Sean Rayford / Getty

The democrats were secretly voting to send black people back to Africa, when white allies stormed the capital to put an end to it. Black people were too busy shucking and jiving to join. Anyway, they stopped the evil plan, and this is why we have black history month.