Since the richest man in the world is flexing and giving $98.5 million to charity, here’s how us po’ folks can do our part:
5. Double-Tap on that Dude’s Pic
You know he likes you. And all he wants is what every rationally-thinking adult wants: attention. So like one of his pictures; it’ll make his lil uglass day.
4. Go to Your Poor Relative’s House and Cook
You love your auntie, but she ain’t never got no money, and always taking 16 plates with her every holiday…and you have no leftovers. So bring Thanksgiving to her, and you can take the leftovers to your house.
3. Go to Your Promoter Friend’s Party
There are only gonna be 6 people there, I know. But you know how to fake it for the gram. He needs you there to gather the attendees, security, the DJ, and the bartenders and make it seem like it was lit.
2. Listen to Your Homeboy’s Music
We all know it’s trash, but he worked really hard on his new single, “Pop Pills Like Pimples.” The least you can do is record yourself listening to it and tag him on IG.
1. Ignore Your Man Texting his Side Chick
Listen I know he has his phone out at church, the PTA meeting, during sex…but it was because his cousin was sick. I know he left for pizza at 11 pm and came back at 3 am, but they had to make the pizza from scratch and he had car problems and…look, just let him have 24 hours to cheat freely. He’ll love you more for it.