I went out Saturday and ran into several inebriated people, and we need to categorize them so you can know who to avoid.
5. The Cheap Drunk
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This would be me. Give me a drink and a half of a mixed beverage, and I’m dancing on the couch. But look at the bright side; you only spent $15 on me to get that nasty drunk text.
4. The Emotional Drunk
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This would be my dawg Leon. Think, your ex-boyfriend who still loves you, calls at 3 am to profess his love to you. He downed a pint of Hennessy then started crying to you about how he don’t want his wife to leave him even though he cheated 6 times. But he apologized! God, she’s so ungrateful.
3. The Touchy Feely Drunk
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This would be my girl Mesha. You been in the friendzone for months, waiting for your chance to smash this chick. She got her booty on you, gyrating her pelvis…and you know it’s going down! Y’all get to the room and what happens? She falls asleep immediately.
2. The Friendly Drunk
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This would be my girl Kermit. You know the type. When she’s drunk, you’re her best friend, you saved her from a burning building, and you’re gonna be her maid of honor…and you just met her in the bathroom!!! But she can tell by looking at you that she needs you in the corner, and now you gotta tip toe off on her cool ass before she tries to hug you.
1. The In-Denial Drunk
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This would be my homie Cash. Their eyes got that glaze over em like donuts when the hot sign is on. They can’t take more than 3 steps without holding a wall. And they’ve thrown up twice. But oh no, “I’m not drunk! That was the food I had earlier not agreeing with my stomach!” And if you call them drunk, they be ready to fight! And the worst part is, they won’t remember any of it the next day.
