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Couple In France

Source: Tom Merton / Getty

Would you consider moving for love?

Not in the sense that you have a significant other who doesn’t live in the same place as you. No. But let’s say you’re a single gal and you’ve been single for some time now. And most of everyone you come across in the place you live in just doesn’t do it for you.

Sure, you go on dates and once in a blue moon, you meet someone and feel this flicker of hope will lead to something. But it doesn’t. And you’re back to square one.

So now you’re thinking, “Is it me? Is something wrong with me?” And you go on this journey of critiquing yourself and trying to change the things that make you, you – even the things that you like. And you become this person that is reactive to your environment. You’re more outgoing or maybe less, you’re louder or maybe you’re softer, you tone down your funny or try harder to be funnier, more intelligent or less. You’re trying way too hard. And you know it. So you stop. Back to square one again.

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So now you have a conversation with yourself – a serious one this time. Maybe it’s not you. Maybe among the hundreds of thousands or even millions of people that you find yourself surrounded by, maybe there just really isn’t someone for you in this place, in this city, in this so-called dating market. Maybe you’ve been ignoring the truth that is often  a quiet whisper telling you – “Not here. It’s just not here.”

Maybe it’s time to move.

It sounds silly to move in such a situation. We all want to believe that love should meet us where we are. And that’s not a bad thing; ideally it should. And even if you do move, there is no guarantee that you will find the love that you want. But there is no guarantee that if you stay where you are right now and do the things you’ve been doing, that love will indeed find its way to you. Perhaps love is part chance and part choice – the coming together of the decision to be open to life, to be open to people, and to be open to change.

Be honest with yourself about the kinds of things you’re looking for. Be honest about the kinds of people you tend to be attracted to, and want to fall in love with. Sure, people surprise you. And ever so often you surprise yourself. But if the place you’re in feels like a place that has lost its inspiration, its hope, its ability to make you feel alive and in love – even with yourself – then chances are, it’s not the place for you anymore.

If you’ve ever been in love before, think about how peculiar it is. That all your life choices led you to a particular place, and in one moment in time, you met someone in that particular place whose life choices had led them there as well. It’s crazy if you think about it; crazy and spectacular. All I’m saying is don’t be afraid to get away from a place to fall in love. Of course find a place that inspires you, that gives you hope, that makes you feel alive again – and consider staying there.

I suppose it’s never about the dating market. It’s about taking a chance to try something new, and maybe that chance could be the beginning of a beautiful new start to life. A life that hopefully will bring you the love you deserve.

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