Spitting these out won’t necessarily be easy (or pretty), but doing so can help trigger changes that ultimately lead to healthier relationships. Here, four things you haven’t said — but should.
“You Need to Lose Weight”
There’s a reason you tear-up while watching” The Biggest Loser” – Weight is an emotional issue. Which is why it should only be brought up with a family member, your BFF, or the long-term guy in your life — people who will understand that it’s only said with their best interest at heart. Otherwise, it’s just bitchy. “If you care about somebody and see them engaging in behavior that’s putting their health at risk, you have a legitimate reason to bring the problem to light,” says Dr. Xavier Amador, Ph.D, author of “I’m Right, You’re Wrong, Now What?”
The reality is that people’s bodies change when they’re under stress or going through hard emotional times. So try something like “I’m really beginning to worry that all this work drama has caused you to put on an unhealthy amount of weight.” Then ask if there’s anything you can do to help them get back in shape… like kicking their ass in a Wii Super Hula-Hoop challenge.
“I Deserve a Raise”
Think you’re long overdue for a financial upgrade? Then you must speak up or risk going into a downward spiral. “If you don’t feel you’re getting the money you deserve, you’ll become increasingly dissatisfied, which will affect your morale and performance,” says Dr. Amador. However, bare in mind that you ask for — don’t demand a raise.
When knocking on your boss’ door, be ready with solid reasoning as to why you should be making bigger bucks. “Employers want to see that you’ve gone far above and beyond the minimal requirements that your position entails,” says Schroeder. Remember those e-mails where your clients ooh’d and ahh’d about what a fabulous job you did? Unleash them. And be sure to have a particular (realistic!) percentage in mind. (According to Dr. Amador, “10% raises are pills most bosses can swallow, though it’s smart to ask for a little more than you think you’ll get.”)