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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Hello good people! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend and it was filled with a glorious celebration!

This week’s letter is from a woman who is currently a soldier serving our country in Afghanistan, but she wants to know if the fellow soldier she fell for is really in love with her. Check out the letter, and remember, as you enjoy time with family and friends this July 4th weekend, keep our soldiers and those fighting in this war in your hearts and prayers.

Enjoy!

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am currently in Afghanistan and my first three months were the best. Why? All because of this guy I met, “Smith.”

I was just beginning my deployment and Smith was on his way out at any day. During the three months, we developed a friendship. I was talking to other people, but I slowly saw myself starting to stray away from them and be with Smith more. He was different than any other guy. He didn’t complain about everything I did, he didn’t criticize me, and he understood me. Around his friends he talked so highly of me. I know Smith cared for me.

Well, next thing I know, we had a full blown relationship and the love word worked its way in. If you saw one of us then you saw the other. There was no separating us. We asked each other plenty of times what are we doing and where is this going because he was leaving soon. I didn’t look for anything past Afghanistan. I knew Smith would go back to his life in the states, and, oh yeah, by the way, he was going back to a pregnant ex-girlfriend. I knew he would forget all about me. He assured me plenty of times that wouldn’t happen.

Smith wanted nothing more but to be with me, even if I did have eight months left. We made plans when I came home on R&R, and plans for when I was finished with my deployment. Even his friends would make group plans when I came to visit. On a Friday, at dinner, Smith got the word they were moving out the next day. I could tell he was upset with the short notice and wasn’t prepared to leave me. We spent the night together and said goodbye to each other the next morning. Later that day, I was walking to my room and all I could think about was Smith, and the tears started flowing. As I was walking my phone went off letting me know I had a text message. I prayed it was from him and it was. The message read, “I don’t think it will work. I think we should call it off.”  My heart dropped. As I stood there already crying, because I missed him, the tears flowed even more because he had just broke my heart.

We talked again before he left the country and Smith said he loved me, but just couldn’t deal with the distance especially since he had been gone for so long. We agreed on just being friends and taking it one day at a time. So, the goodbye came again, and he left the country. I hadn’t talked to him in a few days so he sent me a message saying that he was about to fly out. He said he enjoyed our time and that he cared a lot about me, and to make sure I keep in contact with him. Two days after that I emailed Smith saying I will call once I got in the states and he replied, “Yeah, call me, that’s good…don’t contact me anymore.” Yet, again, there I was speechless and confused. How can three weeks ago we go from, “I love you so much, and I don’t want to ever leave you. I will wait,” to, “We can be friends. You have so long left in Afghanistan,” to, “Don’t contact me anymore.” I emailed back saying, “Hey, you just contradicted yourself. What are you talking about?” Smith emailed back, “Don’t contact me anymore.”

I saw an article that was posted here on Hello Beautiful called, “6 Ways To Tell That He Has Fallen In Love With You.” I decided to read it and see if Smith was in love with me. Well, all six of those were him all the way, and, still two days after he leaves, I get an email breaking my heart. I know Smith loves me. What he and I had wasn’t just a fling. Everything he said to me he meant. But, why did he tell me not to contact him anymore? Maybe the love is too strong and he feels he couldn’t handle it.

I can’t stop thinking about and crying over Smith. I have to excuse myself from work sometimes because I can’t stop the crying. I find myself not wanting to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I just want to be in my room and cry. Even after he is gone people come up to me saying, “Hey, that guy really liked you. I could tell when I saw you all together.” That breaks my heart. I love him a lot, but I know there is no going back with us. We are done. How can I accept and move on from this?  — In Love and War

“What’s With Men and Sex, Sex, Sex All The Time”

Dear In Love and War,

First, I want to thank you for your courage and commitment in serving our country. We honor you and thank you for your service. I love our troops and I support all of you and have you in my prayers.

Now, let’s get on to the matter at hand. You want to know how can you accept and move on from this “relationship” that you had with Smith for all of three months? Girl, I will come to Afghanistan and knock you upside your helmeted plaited coif with your own rifle. You definitely got the game twisted. I know one thing, you better focus on the job you are in Afghanistan to do, and that is to serve and protect our country. You are placing yourself, and others, in danger with this love distraction over Smith. GIRL! FOCUS!!! Get your head out of the clouds and sand. It’s done. It’s over. He’s gone back home to his pregnant girlfriend, and his life. You need to be focused on the war and staying alive.

Yeah, that fool Smith used you. He got his jollies while he was there with you for three months. He led you to believe something hopeful was going to happen between the two of you. And, you fell for it. You believed the sob story he told you. I’m sure he let you inside his heart and revealed to you how he felt alone in Afghanistan. He had not met anyone like you before. You are the perfect woman and he doesn’t want to leave you. Blah, blah, blah. Girl, he was working you, like the Art of War. Game. Check. Mate.

I want you to notice how right after he left he sent you a text saying he doesn’t think it’s going to work and that you two should call it off. WOW! Really? Just the day before he was deployed he was saying how he couldn’t be without you. In fact, you two were stuck together like glue.

Look, I don’t discredit that he may have felt something for you, but I gather once he made it back home to the states, and the reality of his world was in front of him, Smith made the choice to let go of you, and the war. He wants to move on and forget what happened, and for him to do that he must let everything go, including you.

Also, think about it, Ms. In Love and War, you two were in an isolated place where you had no other choice but to spend a lot of time together. You probably brought some comfort and sense of escape for Smith. And, being in an isolated place many people bond and connect faster and easier. And, Ms. Thing, you let this man play you like the war games he has probably done with many other women before. I mean, really! What made you think he was over his pregnant ex-girlfriend? What made you think he wouldn’t go back home to her? What made you think he would wait for you to come home? I mean come on, Ms. Honey!

Look, I do believe you may have fallen in love with Smith and he may have told you things that warmed your heart, and spoke to your spirit. Yet, you let your mind go, and allowed your feelings to get caught up in a much too fast, and much too soon love affair.

The relationship is over! The love is gone! Plain and simple, Smith used you! The pain will be there until you decide to let Smith go, and focus on you, and the real war you are fighting. – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend!

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