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I had an amazing birthday dinner! But my friends…you gotta know who to leave at home. Here’s why:

5. They Don’t Have a Sophisticated Palette

National Fried Chicken Day

Source: Hot Chicken Takeover / Hot Chicken Takeover

We had black truffle and caviar deviled eggs. $20 cocktails. $50 plates. And while your hood friend is pretending to search the menu for the perfect dish, when the server comes, the first thing out their mouth is, “aye y’all sell wings??”

4. They Twerk Everywhere They Go

Springfest 2019

Source: Gabriele Moore / Gabriele Moore

Everyone loves a good Megan Thee Stallion turn up. When your song comes on, you can’t fight the feeling. But trust me, you will NOT hear “5 Star Chick” in this five star restaurant. But your hood friend is gonna find a way to shake that ass to Frank Sinatra. Whew, the ghetto.

3. They’ll be 6 Hours Late

Queen Margrethe presents the Queens clock

Source: PPE/News Pictures/WENN.com / WENN

Now we all have those friends who are never on time. Maybe 10, 20 minutes…that’s slightly acceptable. But your hood friends?? You gotta tell them that dinner is 18 hours before it actually is, so they can only be 30 minutes late.

2. They Don’t Have an Inside Voice

Mature man yelling, close-up, low angle view

Source: Frederic Lucano / Getty

You’re at a high class restaurant. Someone is playing the piano, people are having quiet conversations. And here comes your hood friend, talking like they at Rudy’s ordering a 2-piece from the drive-thru. And the worst part is they don’t know they’re loud! So you tell them they’re loud, and how do they respond…? “I’M LOUD??”

1. They Don’t Have a Fancy Restaurant Vocabulary

Spicy Fried Chicken

Source: dariuscooks.com / http://www.dariuscooks.com

If you’ve never been anywhere, chances are you can’t pronounce everything on the menu. But ask your homegirl, ask your server, hell ask Siri! But your hood friends don’t ask. They just say things like SAL-mon. People who call it SAL-mon, deserve to eat SAL-mon from a fried fish spot with to-go containers and plastic cutlery.

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