CLOSE

My homegirl got cheated on…with 3 guys and 3 girls! Whew. So here are some better things to cheat on than your significant other.

5. A Test – So you over here tryna exit your relationship like you don’t have an exit exam. Clearly you don’t give 100% to anything in your life, but if you fail one more test, that degree ain’t happening this semester. So do what apparently everyone except I did in college: cheat.

4. The Game – You pay more attention to Madden than your relationship anyway, and there are gamers out here making millions of dollars. You better do what your forefathers did to get ahead: cheat the system, screw over people, and collect the check.

3. Your Taxes – How come we get paid and they taxes out…then depending on how much you make, once a year they take MORE taxes out?? The only thing you’re supposed to give more than you receive…is your love. And you ain’t gone do that, so at least claim your homeboy’s kid and keep more of your money.

2. Death – You out here playing Russian Roulette with your peter weeter, and you’re proud of your conquests. But the real rush should come when you get tested and it comes back negative for any STDs. We don’t know HOW you’re still alive.

1. The Election – When you become an adult, certain things should start to matter to you. Your credit, your relationship, and your voting rights. And since we know you don’t care about any of those things, the easiest thing to pretend to care about is the future of the country. So find a way to cheat the election; it’s not like our votes count anyway.

Also On 97.9 The Beat: