Fridays are reserved for positive vibes, happy thoughts, and good news only. So let’s avoid these things to keep it that way:
5. The Temperature Drops 20 Degrees
You waited all summer to wear this one black dress with the one shoulder, the thigh split…you ain’t even need spanx with it. Then you woke up and damn near had frostbite because it was 57 degrees! And you don’t have nobody’s backup outfit. Welp, looks like a great time to snuggle up with a blanket and hot chocolate as you pull out your fall clothes.
4. Your Light Bill is More Than Your Car Note
You finally decided, you deserve it. You’re gonna go to a fancy restaurant and order more than water with lemon and mozzarella sticks. Then you check your mail and BAM. You got a $225 light bill. Welp, back to the cabinet to get a pack of noodles. Get shrimp flavor to feel like you’re eating seafood.
3. You Get Food Poisoning
I don’t know how many times I’ve said on this radio, chicken has been recalled due to salmonella. But you just kept eating that yard bird. Now look at you: hunched over the toilet, sweating, and going poo. You’re def staying in for the night. Instead, do yourself a favor and have a salad.
2. Your Babysitter Cancels
You’re already the friend who never has a sitter. And now that you finally get one – sort of – she flakes on you. This is lowkey your fault; why would you expect your neighbor’s girlfriend’s goddaughter to watch the kids?? You don’t know her! Listen do like everybody else and leave your kids with a relative you barely know and go enjoy yourself.
1. You Don’t Come to My Book Signing
It took me a year to write this book, and I know you’re tired of me talking about it. So the only way to shut me up is to come to Pan African Connection at 7, or the Dock Bookshop in Fort Worth tomorrow from 3-5. See you there, or be prepared for 6 more months of me talking about this book.