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I found out me and DJ Don Perryon were both born in Shreveport, and at the same hospital: I knew we were friends! Here are some people I wish I was friends with.

5. 50 Cent

50 Cent at Oak Atlanta

Source: Prince Williams / ATL Pics

If I ever have a problem with anyone, Ima just call my homie Curtis and make him handle it. You see what he did to Ja Rule and Teairra Mari.

4. Snoop Dogg

Snoop dogg at Tech Crunch

Source: Tech Crunch / Tech Crunch

Now I love my weed man. He be having the John Blaze. But Snoop be having that different weed. I might die after, but if I’m already high, I’ll fly to Heaven quicker.

3. Magic Johnson

Magic Johnson

Source: Stephen Dunn / Getty

Listen, if I ever get sick, he’s the first person I’m calling! “Hey Uncle Magic, if you (allegedly) got the cure for HIV, I KNOW you can help with this upper respiratory infection!”

2. Donald Trump

Be the Vote

Source: DonkeyHotey-Flickr

Hear me out. Trump didn’t know the difference in Toledo and Dayton. He sniffs like he has a coke habit. And don’t even get me started on that hair piece. He CLEARLY has no real friends. Gimme 6 genuine months with him; I can fix the whole country.

1. Wendy Williams

Pride March - WorldPride NYC 2019

Source: James Devaney / Getty

Listen y’all can follow Megan and the City Girls if you want to. But Wendy is single-handedly keeping the hot girl summer alive. One dude got flewed out until she got tired of him, then she allegedly got a doctor…baby she’s living her best life and I just want her leftovers!

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