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People say the darndest things, and I’m just here to call them dumb.

5. “That really grinds my gears…”

High Angle View Of Rusty Metallic Bolt On Table

Source: Abhishek Mehta / EyeEm / Getty

So you got nuts and bolts in your head?? If so, shouldn’t they grind all the time? Just put some brake grease on them.

4. “If I could be a fly on the wall…”

High Angle View Of Yellow Fly Swatter Over Wooden Table

Source: Fernanda Carneiro / EyeEm / Getty

So you wanna play with death. People hate flies! They’ll stop the whole argument you were eavesdropping on, just to kill you.

3. “Lick your wounds…”

Photograph of the legs of a small child full of small wounds and adhesive bandage.

Source: Estersinhache fotografía / Getty

First of all, that’s nasty. And if the point is to get something done yourself, why not just say “cover your own wound” or “apply your own ointment?” Lick that wound if you want to…mess around and get hepatitis.

2. “No man is above the law…”

Dallas Police Shooting

Source: picture alliance / Getty

Uh…didn’t man write the law?? So…wouldn’t there be at least a few men above the law? The justice system surely seems to back up that theory…

1. “I brought you in this world, I’ll take you out…”

'Mama I Want To Sing' 30th Anniversary Gala Celebration

Source: Mike Pont / Getty

Yea that’s murder. Try it if you want, and the police will take you right out the house and into prison. But for your safety: don’t say this to your mama.

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