My mom’s retirement party was this past weekend and I was greeted by a bunch of family I forgot I had. You probably have them in your family too. Let’s discuss.
5. The Messy Cousin You Almost Fight
You never told her any of your business, but somehow she knows your boyfriend ain’t that baby’s daddy, and you might have to kill her before she ruins your life.
4. The Bad Ass Kid
You asked Karen before she came if she was bringing her kids. She said no and brought him anyway. He cusses, smokes cigarettes, and sells dope. And he’s in the 4th grade!! Where is Job Corps??
3. The Auntie Who Can’t Cook
She doesn’t even wait for you to get her food, she’s happy to scoop a whole heap of potato salad onto your plate. Hope there’s a dog you can feed it to.
2. The Drunk Uncle
Obviously it’s loud at a family function, but somehow your loud ass uncle manages to talk over everyone about his new Jesus sandals that he got from Burlington, that match his short set ever so perfectly. Uncle Leroy, nobody cares!
1. The Begging Sister
She always walks in like it’s all good, but everyone knows to hide their valuables like Debo on Friday. She only needs a little something to hold her over until payday. “A little something” being “about $458.94. And if you can’t do me that, lemme just get $248.82. Bye Felicia.”