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Frustrated Man With Hand In Hair Against Gray Background

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People say the darndest things, and they make no sense, like the beginning of this sentence. So let’s explore more idiotic phrases, shall we?

5. “I’m so hungry my stomach is touching my back!”

Knit One Dissect One; Woolly Creations are Perfect for Biology... Almost!

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Did you ever take biology?? Why isn’t your stomach touching your pelvis or your intestines, or something it could possibly reach??

4. “You’re talking behind my back”

Smiling Business Colleagues Standing Against White Background

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The ‘front’ of your back would be your back, so ‘behind’ your back must be your front…and they would technically be saying it to your face. So…what’s the problem?”

3. You not fat, you healthy!”

5th Annual Street Execs Christmas Concert

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I was a chubby kid so I heard this a lot. Find me one doctor who said, “your cholesterol is high, your blood pressure is through the roof, and you’re morbidly obese. Man, you’re so healthy!” Tell these fat kids the truth!

2. “When it rains, it pours”

Epic Flooding Inundates Houston After Hurricane Harvey

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What is it pouring out of? Does the rain come out of a big measuring cup and when it rains hard it’s because God tipped the cup over too much?

1. “Jesus take the wheel”

Two damage cars after accident

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Listen, no matter your religion, historically speaking, wasn’t no cars during the time of Jesus! This is Dallas; savior or not, I don’t trust nobody who’s never driven a car, on 635.

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