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IF YOU HAVE A COPY OF PENTHOUSE AT YOUR CRIB SAY “I”.

Long before the days of cum and lube crusted computer mouses, the sound of man chowder plopping onto a paper page was not a rare one and we have Bob Guccione, the founder of Penthouse and the first to show coochie in a magazine, to thank for that. For those that have a peen, you might have wondered why it was at half-mast yesterday. That’s because Bob passed away at a hospital in Plano, Texas at the age of 79. Bob’s wife April Dawn Warren Guccione (that’s a really hot name) said that he died of cancer.

Even though Penthouse was Bob’s crowning achievement, he also responsible for bringing us Caligula the movie, Omni Magazine, Spin and Anna Wintour.

No word on funeral arrangements, but I will be highly disappointed if Bob’s final resting place is not the epitome of gaudy decadence. I’m thinking a marble mausoleum with gold plated statues of nekkid woman and onyx panthers draped in silk leopard robes. The mahogany coffin will be shaped like a giant vulva and lined with burgundy velvet. Basically, it will look like Teresa Giudice’s laundry room.

R.I.P. Bob. We’ll all pour one out for you today (NOT LIKE THAT, SUCIO!!!).

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