You tell your guy a ton, but it’s a myth that divulging every detail equals a healthier union. “Even though you’re part of a twosome, your relationship will thrive if you maintain a private side,” says Marti Olsen Laney, PsyD, coauthor of “The Introvert and Extrovert in Love.”

“Plus, some things might hurt your partner, so keeping them quiet prevents needless stress on your bond.” Top relationship experts agree on the five most important secrets to keep from your guy.

How You Spend Your Money
As long as you don’t share funds, your boyfriend doesn’t need to know where your dough goes. It stresses out guys to see you buy things they deem unnecessary — like clothes or shoes. The quick fix: When he compliments a dress, don’t give him the rundown on where you got it and how much it cost. And if he asks, tell him it was waaay less than the big-screen TV he splurged on.

The Way You Feel About His Family
Warning: Dissing his clan will do damage to your relationship. So even if his mom is Queen Bitch, keep your mouth shut. The minute you say something slightly negative, he will feel like you’re making him choose between you and them and resent you for it. If they’re truly awful, avoid being around them whenever you can.

Innocent Flirtations
You love your guy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t chat up other men. In fact, being flirty is healthy as long as it doesn’t go further. It may be tempting to brag that you still get male attention, especially if you feel your guy takes you for granted, but telling him about the neighbor who checks out your ass is just going to make him feel insecure. Keep quiet, and take pleasure in the fact that you’ve still got it going on.

READ THE REST HERE!

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Sexy Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

My question is though; why do we like guys who don’t like us? Wouldn’t it be so much easier to like someone who actually liked you back?

Probably. And that’s where all our problems start. It’s just to easy.

We all know the girls who keep going back to the guy who won’t commit to her, or keeps cheating on her, because it’s a challenge, or they ‘know that he does really care about me, he’s just shy with his feelings’. Sure, that’s why he broke up with you for a weekend in Vegas, and that’s why he’s creeping with half the neighborhood.

25 REASONS WE LOVE “LOVE JONES”

And we have all been the friends who have tried to make her see sense. Well sadly, basically according to this survey, there is no hope for us. No matter how many times we can tell our friends to drop the deadbeat, or make well-reasoned arguments as to why her logic is totally flawed, she is genetically wired to ignore us.

But I can’t help thinking that perhaps these results may be just a little misleading. Surely not everyone out there is willing to settle for a guy, or a girl for that matter, who treats them like just a jump off, and flatly just isn’t committed to them. Surely?

Maybe this research was engineered by a couple of women, who wanted an explanation to why they or their friends put up with a boyfriend who was acting shady, or why they are still single.

Or maybe, it is easier to accept that we are destined to pick the men who are wrong for us, than it is to accept that he just really isn’t that into you.

I know that whenever you go out with someone who you think is perfect and you tell everyone about your amazing time, and it doesn’t quite go to plan, then we all (don’t even try and play the ‘hell no, I don’t waste time on no man’ card), try to reason our way out of it. His cell died, he was really busy with work, he was moving hose this weekend, he was hit by a car and lost his memory and/or use of his hands to call me. Any explanation it seems, except he just didn’t like me.

But at least know we have some explanation for why we do it.

What do you think?

“Yeah, He’s Engaged & I’m The Other Girl, But I Should Be The One”

How To Tell If You’re The Side Chick

5 Reasons Why It’s Time To Cut Off Your Ex Once And For All

My engagement is the product of what I call the non-ultimatum ultimatum. Let me explain. About a year into our relationship, I told my fiancee that I didn’t think it made sense for anyone to date for three years only to find themselves unmarried. I went on to say if we were together three years and not talking about marriage, she should dump me. Naturally, being a woman who doesn’t see the need to waste time with a relationship not going anyplace, she agreed. The only thing is, I was just talking. If you know anything about men, you know that we just say stuff – it’s not to be taken seriously. She, on the other hand, stored this thought in her brain in a vault labeled “Use In Case of Emergency,” and use it she did. About six months before our third dating anniversary, she broke it to me – if we get to three more months of dating and we’re not talking about marriage, she’s splitting. Lord have mercy. I let my mouth write a check my butt wasn’t ready to cash.

Every guy has a woman in his past he wishes he had worked harder for. Maybe you went out a few times, but decided things weren’t right. Perhaps you dated for a year and you did something to ruin it. Whatever the case may be, you wish you had done just one more (or one less) thing so that you and Miss Perfect could have lived happily ever after. This woman is my Miss Perfect – fine, smart, a physician with her own money, moral, ethical and sweet as Georgia tea. When we got to our third anniversary, I had to make a decision – let Miss Perfect go or hunker down and go along. I did the latter. Letting go of Miss Perfect wasn’t a reality. The choice would have really been cool if I had been ready to get married.

I am a struggling entrepreneur. I used to have a life as a well-paid advertising executive. These days, I’m often hunting down my next payday. Over and above the struggling entrepreneur, however, is the man. I want to comfortably provide for my family. I want to protect them. I want to feel strong. I wanted to be able to do all of that when I got married. Life as a struggling entrepreneur doesn’t always allow that, for me. To me, I needed to wait to get married. Miss Perfect wasn’t having it. The buzzer was dinging and that fat lady was singing.

We planned a wedding for five months. Mind you, this is a wedding struggling-entrepreneur style. The ring and proposal have been absent until only recently. The bride has been handling the expenses (except for the ring, which I view as a dowry and insist on doing by myself). We tried to look past the things that were starting us in the face – the inequities, the resentments (see the last blog entry), the bad perceptions – but you can’t escape yourself.

Last week, Miss Perfect and I had a blowup and everything was done – no wedding, no us. I changed my Facebook status to single and felt relief. I was relieved that I didn’t have to get married when I didn’t want to. I was relieved that Miss Perfect wasn’t there to tell me about myself anymore. But, you know what I realized? I love my fianc�e. I love Miss Perfect. She really really is everything I’ve ever wanted.

After a bit of space and then some conversations with our counselor and between us, we decided to get back together. We postponed the wedding to give us some time to work on us, but right now I feel as good about us as I ever have.

Wouldn’t it have been great if there had been a Love 101 and 102 in college? Shoot, love is so complicated sometimes I think a whole major might have been needed. In lieu of that, there’s something great about having someone in your life who is committed to working with you — to love you better and to help you love them better. That’s Miss Perfect. How could I let her go?

5 Things We Can Do Better In Relationships In 2012

To Be (Single) Or Not To Be (Single)?

The “America’s Got Talent” host’s father, James Cannon, told Us Weekly Tuesday that Nick’s recent hospitalization for mild kidney failure only strengthened his son’s relationship with Carey.

“The great thing about my son is that he always tries to stay upbeat,” James gushed. “He took his mind off things by joking with the nurses and doctors and things like that.”

Read More: http://today.msnbc.msn.com

5. Get Out of Your Bad Relationship – *New Rule Alert* – If your relationship needs counseling and you are not married don’t get married to that person. We need to have higher standards for getting married and even greater standards on getting a divorce.

*New Rule Alert* – Divorce is not an option but if your spouse refuses to go to counseling, divorce them. Every married couple needs to have a counselor on speed dial. If you are in a bad marriage it is not going to get better on accident, get some help or get out! If your spouse won’t go to counseling here is what you do: Go to counseling by yourself. Each time after counseling go home and give your spouse a summary of the counseling session that you just left. After your spouse hears you say, “The counselor asked me . . . what was I thinking when I married you?” OR “The counselor said that ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN OUR MARRIAGE ARE YOUR FAULT!” After your spouse gets an ear full of that for three weeks in a row either he or she will file the divorce papers themselves or they will go to counseling to defend themselves. In 2012 will have to end these bad relationships.

4. Forgive & Heal – After getting out of your bad relationship sit down somewhere. Don’t date for a while. Work on you. Your first item of business is to forgive the people related to all of your bad relationship experiences. You cannot carry anger, frustration, disappointment or resentment into your next relationship. If you cannot forgive, relationships are not for you because without forgiveness healing does not take place. Healing is the process of filling the holes in your heart. If your heart has holes in it, don’t nobody want dat raggedy heart.  In 2012 get your heart right before trying to offer it to some one else.

3. Date Smarter This Time – Initially dating is a process of elimination. Once you have eliminated the thugs and skrippers dating becomes a process of selection. Date on your level. 90% of women want to date the top 10% of men. The numbers don’t add up because the top 10% of men want to date the top 10% of women. Don’t expect anything that you can’t give. Opposites attract on Fantasy Island but in reality it is very difficult to compromise with a person that has a different belief system than you do. You know your flaws. Worry about those instead of theirs. Accept the fact that both nobody is perfect and that includes you. With the knowledge of your own imperfections, it should make it easier to accept the imperfections of someone else. In 2012 the key to relationships will be knowing what you can accept and live with and what you can’t.

*Note to men – we have to stop putting women in the top ten percentile based on looks alone.

Read the other 2 things that we  We Can Do Better in Relationships in 2012!

Listen to Steven’s interview on this article with Twanda Black of Kiss 104 Atlanta.

Follow me on Twitter: @StevenJDixon

How To Have More Than One Lover

To Be (Single) Or Not To Be (Single)?

I have been dating this guy for two months now and I’m not sure if I should continue dating him. He is a very nice guy. I mean my whole family likes him but, behind closed doors it’s a different story. Like, when were alone we have a tendency to argue a lot and he always makes it seem like it’s my fault. He judges what I wear. He says that my best friend shouldn’t be a guy. He also says that I shouldn’t go out to clubs, and if my phone rings he’s checking it. And, if I’m playing a game on my phone he’s upset.

Now, the good things are that he love’s spending time with me, we talk on the phone for hours, he does whatever I ask of him, he goes out of his way for me, he buy me things, he caters to me, and he listens. I’m so confused because he’s hot, then he’s cold, and I don’t know if it’s just a phase because he does a lot for me and doesn’t want to get hurt, or if he has some issues. What should I do? – So Confused

Dear Ms. So Confused,

In my Janet Jackson voice (Control!) RUN, girl, RUN!!!! Get out of this relationship immediately!!!! If you stay, in month three you will be a domestic violence statistic.

(@  ^  @) Blank stare at you! Girl, you can’t be that damn clueless to recognize the signs of someone who is controlling and most likely an abuser. Wake your dumb ass up!!! All that –ish you find amusing and cute is not!!! It’s not funny, amusing, entertaining, or “Oh, my gosh, he’s jealous, and that means he loves me. And, because he doesn’t want to get hurt, he is hurting me and lashing out.” No ma’am. Leave that MoFo before he starts stomping your ass into the ground.

Look, here, the man argues with you and he makes everything seems like it’s your fault. Hmmmm! So, he turns things around and makes you feel guilty about things he’s done. Everything is your fault. He wouldn’t argue with you, or call you out of your name if you didn’t make him so mad, huh?

He judges what you wear. Perhaps, it’s because he doesn’t want others looking at you and trying to holler, so he suggests and offers alternative things for you to wear.

He says that your best friend should not be a guy. Jealous, much???? He doesn’t want other men around you, and will alienate you from your friends.

He says you shouldn’t go to clubs. That’s because he wants to monitor your whereabouts and if he’s not there with you, then he doesn’t want you there. Especially in an environment where there are opportunities for other men to look at you and possibly approach you.

If your phone rings he’s checking it. Uhm, sweetie, it’s your phone. Why, after two months, he is checking your phone!!!???? He doesn’t pay your phone bill. He shouldn’t even have your passcode to unlock your phone. Please remind me of why is he checking your phone, again? Oh, yeah, it’s because he wants to see who’s calling you, and why, and for you to explain your relationship with each of those persons.

Now, you say the good things are that, “he love’s spending time with me.” Do-Do brain, it’s because he’s monopolizing your time. He stalking you and your time so he can keep tabs on you. Then you say, “we talk on the phone for hours.” Again, ass on your shoulder, if he has you on the phone for hours at a time, then he can keep track of where you, what you’re doing, and slowly alienate you from your family, and monopolize your time.

All the signs he’s demonstrating are that of a controlling and abusive man. Like you said, your family loves him because he’s so wonderful around them. He smiles, and says, “Yes, sir,” and “Yes, ma’am.” He’s outgoing. Funny. Charming. And, engaging. But, as soon as you two are alone he is belittling you, berating you, and making you feel insignificant. All signs lead to an abuser. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY. He is one step away from knocking you upside your weave. Girl, I don’t want to get another letter from you talking about, “I’m a domestic violence victim. You told my dumbass to leave, but I didn’t listen and now I don’t know what to do because he stalks my every move. Hell, he may be lurking inside the computer as I type this letter. Help me!” LMBAO! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

The 28 year-old, Video Editor admits that he is looking for a woman with a New York swag with a southern lady’s hospitality. Some may feel that Jeris was “played” by Emily B. but he sees it as loyalty and respects Em for being  a down chick!

“She was really giving me a hard time, I was just trying to converse a little,” says the bachelor  before acknowledging her “cake.”

Just like Emily, Jeris seeks the love from a counterpart which he hasn’t found yet.

Traits you look for in a woman:

I love to laugh, so a sense of humor. You have to be able to laugh with me. I love long hair, not that I don’t like short hair. Any skin color is fine with me. Family orientated, I’m from the south so that is very important to me. How she gets along with her mother is a big thing. If you don’t get a long with your mother that tells me a lot. If  you’re cute, funny and love your family then we can date!

What will you bring to a relationship?

I’m offering 100 percent truthfulness. You never have to worry about the next chick, cause if there is one I will tell you.

I bring confidence to that person. I love building a woman up, that’s what a relationship is about. I want her to learn stuff from me. I also bring my southern hospitality. They say chivalry is dead but I open doors… I make you feel like a lady!

Your occupation?

I’m known as Jeris from “Love & Hip Hop” now, I need people to know that I’ve been in this business for 10 years–editing and directing. I’m out here really doing my thing. Ironically one of the first videos I worked on as a Production Assistant, nine years ago was Fabolous’ first video. The one on the train…his first video was my first video.

The perfect date:

If money was no issue…we would wake up, go go-Kart racing, or something crazy like sky-diving. I would take you and have drinks and ask you one thing you would love to do, because it’s all about having fun. I’d ask what she wants, or what she hasn’t done and that’s what we are going to do!

Other Specs:

Jeris has no children and wants to be married before he has any! Hit him up ladies…

Follow Jeris on Twitter @JayMegga

Emily B: “Adrienne Bailon & Fab Are Just Friends”
Emily B. Shows Off Her Massive Louboutin Collection For Pynk Mag!

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I need some understanding. My 17-year old son revealed to me that he is bisexual.

I have always thought that he was gay. I think I understand gay and lesbian. Please inform me on bisexuality. I asked my son if he was using prophylactics and he said, “Yes, all the time with boys and girls.” My friends are ok, except one, she thinks that I am too calm. Help me out. – Need Understanding

“I Love My Husband, But I Want His Friend & I’m Thinking Of Leaving With This Guy”

Dear Ms. Need Understanding,

I am glad to hear that you accept your son for who he is, and that you are inquiring about bi-sexuality. But, just as you stated, you’ve always thought your son was gay, so the news should not have been a surprise.

However, there are many stages to coming out, and a young person, such as your son’s age, will go through several stages, and the first is accepting who he is, then identifying his sexuality (gay or bi-sexual), and then how to tell his parents and friends. It’s difficult for many young people to go through the first stage because it’s all about learning how to accept who they are first. It can be very challenging emotionally and mentally. And, I’m certain your son is experiencing a lot of emotions right now. He is confused, and probably questioning why is this happening to him, and if he will be accepted by his friends.

Don’t push him or force him to talk if he is not ready. Allow him to come to you, but at the same time be open and have a listening ear. There are many books out there for him, and you can provide them for you son. The late author, E. Lynn Harris, wrote many novels about bi-sexuality, and covered the topic quite eloquently. There is also my memoir, Hiding In Hip Hop: On The Down Low in the Entertainment Industry From Music to Hollywood. I share a lot about my experiences and coming to terms with my sexuality.

Then there is the second stage, which your son is going through, and that is telling family and friends, and hoping they will accept them. Most times, people are already suspicious and may have questioned their sexuality and it may be of no surprise to them. But, for many others they are rejected by their family and friends, and then feel isolated and out-casted. It’s difficult for them already, and then to be rejected by the people who love you is devastating.

I think it’s very brave and courageous of him to come out and tell you that he is bi-sexual. I’m certain he was struggling with it for some time, and was hoping that you would be open and understanding. And, credit must be given to you because you listened to him, let him know that he is loved, and then you asked a very good question of if he was protecting himself. Bravo to you!

Most young men will state they are bi-sexual because they cannot admit or refuse to accept that they are gay. The definition of someone who is bi-sexual is: Sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical or romantic attraction to both males and females, especially with regard to men and women. In other words, someone does not have to be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but can feel varying degrees of both.

Your son may very well be bi-sexual, and have an attraction to both men and women. But, keep in mind, most people are disturbed by homosexuality, and spew hateful speech against any man who is gay. And, if your son is in an urban environment, I am certain there is a level of machismo that he feels he needs to project. So, instead of admitting he’s gay, he may be saying he’s bi-sexual to avoid being ridiculed or judged.

Think about it, when you hear the word or term “gay,” what comes to mind? Most people think of drag queens, transgender persons, and the famous cross-dresser, RuPaul. Gay, for some, means that men like to dress and act as women. They are extremely effeminate, and every other negative connotation you can think of. But, that’s not the case. All gay men do not want to be women, nor dress like women, or act like women. There are many gay men who are just as average as the heterosexual male living in your neighborhood. And, there are many gay men who enjoy watching and participating in sports, and other rigorous activities. Gay men do not act or look a certain way. So, the caricature and over-the-top theatrics you see on television about gay men are blown way out of proportion.

The problem is that there are not that many positive role models for gay men to look up to or emulate. Most celebrities who are gay, unfortunately, many of them are closeted, because like your son, they do not want to be judged, or criticized for who they are. So, they remain closeted and hide their true selves.

I say continue to be encouraging of your son and allow him to come to you to talk. Don’t be invasive, or intrusive. He will push him further away and he may not be as open to discussing things with you. He’s going to experience a lot, and it’s important that he has someone in his life who continues to show him love and support. And, your friend who thinks you’re too calm about it, tell her to mind her own freaking business. It’s your son, not hers. And, if she can’t accept who he is then get to stepping! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click  HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click  HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click  HERE!

Take a look:

When Was The Last Time You Were Really Kissed?

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