5 Reasons Chris Dorner Isn’t Really Dead

Chris Dorner, the cop-killer and the most wanted man in California right now, is presumably dead. Burned to a crisp in a house fire, he was so charred his body was unidentifiable. What a way to go, right? There are a few holes and more factors to consider before you put this manhunt to rest. Think about these five reasons this Chris Dorner investigation isn’t really over.

1. Chris Dorner had his Escape route planned. He was caught on video shopping for scuba gear 2 days before murders. He’s probably made it to the coast and swam his way to Canada by now. He spent a week in Big Bear Lake, California. Plenty of time to plan his escape route.

2. So they say the house burned down and the remains are so charred that you can’t immediately indetify the body, but you find a perfectly legible driver’s license conveniently located near the body. The body that you aren’t able to identify? Smells like a cover up to me.

Which leads me to…

3. A manhunt for cop killer that lasts longer than a few days is a PR nightmare for the LAPD. To save face, they have to just put the public’s mind at ease for political reasons. Just know there is still a quiet investigation going on as the hunt continues.

4. Chris Dorner is in the Illuminati. Have you read his manifesto? He clearly was just putting up with all of the drama on the job until the day his Illuminati application was approved. And we all know that Illuminati members can get away with and survive anything.

Illumnati hints from his manifesto:

Problem is, I’m not a f*cking Christian and that old book, made of fiction and limited non-fiction, called the bible, never once stated Jesus was called a nigger.

It’s kind of sad I won’t be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don’t make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week.

Westboro Baptist Church, may you all burn slowly in a fire, not from smoke inhalation, but from the flames and only the flames.